


I Will Always Love You

by DirtyLilGreaseMonkey



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-17 21:58:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4682873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DirtyLilGreaseMonkey/pseuds/DirtyLilGreaseMonkey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU - Robert has left an injured Aaron at the lodge alone, what will he be walking into when he returns the next morning?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Roberts POV

**Author's Note:**

> For My Livesy <3  
> So this story is an AU that picks up after Robert leaves Aaron at the lodge. This first chapter is from Roberts POV and the next chapter will be from Aarons POV.

He was so tired. He hadn’t slept, every time he shut his eyes he saw Aaron, blood running down his face. He’d done that to him and he couldn’t forgive himself. What was worse was the fact that he’d tied him to a radiator and left him. He’d left the man he loved, alone, bound, barely conscious and returned to his wife to play happy families. He’d tried to blame it on Aaron, telling him it was all his fault when in fact all Aaron had ever done was love Robert, love him unconditionally, but not now, how could he after what Robert had done to him? He was disgusted with himself.

He’d never been like this before, well before Aaron. Sure he had done some pretty questionable things but since he’d met Aaron he’d become a monster, trying to keep his secret, so afraid of losing everything that he pushed away the one person who truly loved him. He tried to justify his actions, tried to reason with Aaron but he got so angry. The only other time he’d seen Aaron that angry was when he’d told him the truth about Katie. But Aaron needed that then, he needed to beat the shit out of him, needed that release and Robert had let him. The pain had been worth it, because he couldn’t imagine his life without Aaron and if getting beat up prevented him from doing something stupid then it had been worth it. This time, though, this time was different. Aaron had wanted to hurt Robert, had lured him out to the lodge with the promise of some fun, instead he kept pushing and pushing about Katie, calling him a murderer, he wasn’t, that wasn’t what happened. It had been an accident, he just wanted Aaron to see that, but he couldn’t, he got angrier and angrier, attacked him and he’d had to defend himself. He grabbed the closest thing, a bottle, and smashed it over his head. He could still feel the bottle in his hand, feel the glass break under his fingers, feel the weight of Aaron as he slumped to the fall.

His breathing was coming in short sharp rasps, he had to calm down or Chrissie would know something was wrong. Knowing sleep would never come he got up, made his way downstairs and helped himself to Lawrence’s scotch collection. This is how Aaron would feel when he regained consciousness, scared, panicked, alone. How could he have done that to him? He wanted to go to him, to save him. As the amber liquid burned its way down his throat he knew he couldn’t leave, not in the middle of the night, what would Chrissie say? He was torn, torn between his wife, and the man he loved. He’d told him he loved him that day, the day he beat him up, he’d said it three times, he remembered, he remembered screaming the words, _‘if I lost ya Aaron I couldn’t handle it’_ he was so shocked when he said it, they both were.

Robert never knew you could love someone the way he loved Aaron. But loving him had ruined everything. Everything he’d worked for, this house, this life, this scotch he was drinking, would be gone if the truth ever came out. Yes he loved Aaron, probably more than he had loved anyone else, but was it worth giving up everything for? He didn’t used to think so, but lately, it seemed like Aaron was the only person who understood him, who saw through his mask. He didn’t have to pretend with Aaron, he could be himself and Aaron still loved him. He had no doubt in his mind that Aaron had loved him once, he’d said it, at a time when Robert didn’t want to hear it, but now, after today, he wasn’t sure if that love existed anymore. I mean who could love a monster like him? He glanced up, thinking about Chrissie asleep upstairs, if she knew all the horrible things he’d done she wouldn’t love him. But Aaron, Aaron knew, Aaron knew him, knew what he was capable of, and still came back, again and again. He took one last swig of the scotch, and slammed the glass down, determination in his eyes, he had to go to him, now, before he changed his mind. He made his way through to the office in search of his car keys but his search was interrupted by an irritated Chrissie at the top of the stairs asking when he was coming back to bed. He reassured her, told her he’d be up in a few minutes. What was he supposed to do now?

Aaron was consuming his every thought as he made his way back up the stairs. He turned his back on Chrissie as he climbed into their bed, he flinched from her touch as she slid her arm around his waist, he didn’t want it, not hers anyway. He screwed his eyes shut and remembered what it had felt like to have Aarons arms around him, how loved he felt, although he didn’t deserve anyone’s love. How could he after he had left him there, alone. He would think he wasn’t coming back. Exhaustion and the scotch took over him and he fell into a restless sleep, visions of Aaron invading his dreams.

He got up early, showered, tried to clear his head and work out what his next move was. He had to go back for him, he couldn’t leave him, he’d been on his own all night. He got dressed, not really paying attention to what he was wearing, trousers, shirt, jacket. When he said goodbye to Chrissie she noticed some blood on his shirt. His blood. Aarons. Oh god what had he done? He could feel the colour drain from his face and his voice nearly broke when he made up an excuse about cutting himself shaving. He rushed out the door, he had to get back there, back to him, make sure he was alright. How could he have been so stupid, how could he have left him all night?

He stopped at the café to grab some supplies, water, food, things that Aaron would need. Paddy was there, asking questions, about Aaron. He tried to keep his cool, but his hands were sweating when Paddy asked if he’d seen him. He avoided Paddys eye as he told him he hadn’t, he didn’t know where he was, why would he, all the while his brain was screaming his name. He rushed out of the café and didn’t stop until he reached his car. With one hand on the roof to stabilise himself he doubled over and retched at the thought of Paddy knowing what he’d done to Aaron. His stomach convulsed and it took a minute of heavy breathing for it to settle. When his breathing had returned to normal he got in the car and sped off towards the lodge, towards the man he loved.

When he got there, he switched the engine off and sat in silence for a moment, willing himself to go inside and face him. Face what he had do to the man he supposedly loved. He took a deep breath and climbed out of the car. He grabbed the water and headed in. He was shaking and he opened the front door, what would Aaron say? Would he forgive him? He had to try and explain, to make him understand why he had left, why he hadn’t come back until now. He headed straight into the room where he had left him, tied to the radiator but as he opened the door he eyes grew wide and he mouth flew open in shock. Aaron wasn’t there.

Panic came over him in waves, not sure if it was for Aarons safety or his own. He screamed his name, he knew he couldn’t have gone far, his car was still there and besides, when he’d left him last night he was in no fit state to drive. He frantically searched for a clue as to where he could have gone, the restraints he used laid in tatters on the floor and that’s when he noticed it, the trail of blood leading away from the radiator and into the kitchen. He followed the drops of blood, nausea washing over him as he searched for the man he loved.

It didn’t take long to find him, he hadn’t got very far. Robert was flooded with a mixture of emotions, relief of finding him, horror at the sight of him but most of all guilt. Aaron lying in a heap on the fall, blood running down his face, was all his fault. Tears stung his eyes and the urge to vomit overwhelmed him. He took a few deep breathes, he had to pull it together, for him, for Aaron. He had to make it right. He fell to his knees next to him, repeating his name over and over again but there was no response. His tears were falling freely now as he tried to revive Aaron. He rolled him over, cradling him in his lap before he checked for a pulse. He sighed with relief as he felt the slow thump thump of his heartbeat under his fingertips. He grabbed a bottle of water, and with his other hand we lifted Aarons head up and placed the bottle to his lips, begging him to drink. As the water hit his lips, Aaron awoke with a start. He spluttered and coughed around the water and looked up into Roberts eyes with a glazed expression. When he realised who it was he lashed out. He kicked, he screamed, thrashed his arms, Robert had to move away so he didn’t get hurt.

“Aaron, Aaron, calm down, please, I’m here to help,” Robert said trying to calm him.

“Help?” Aaron choked, Robert wasn’t sure if he was accusing or asking.

He soon had his answer when he kicked out again, this time he kicked so hard that his head flew back and connected with the floor, cracking on the kitchen tile so hard that the sound resonated throughout Roberts body. Seeing Aaron like that, knowing that it was his fault, knowing that in his efforts to get away from Robert Aaron had knocked himself out, sickened him. All he wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry but he couldn’t breakdown, not now, not when Aaron needed him. Robert had to get him some help. He couldn’t leave him, not again, look how that had turned out.

He pulled Aarons unconscious body into him, his hands shaking, he wasn’t sure he was strong enough for this. He pushed those negative thoughts away and with all the fight left in him he took a deep breath and pulled Aaron up to his feet. It wasn’t easy, in his unconscious state Aaron was nothing more than a ragdoll. He crouched down and placed Aarons arm across his shoulder, he wrapped his arms around Aarons legs and grabbed his other arm. He took a deep breath, trying to steady his rapidly beating heart before he lifted Aaron up onto his shoulders. He staggered towards the door, feeling the full weight of Aaron across his back. He was heavier than he remembered. All that manual labour he thought to himself. He was just trying to distract himself from the raising panic. Aaron hadn’t made a sound since hitting his head and Robert was scared. Scared that this time it was serious. He had to get him to the hospital.

When he reached the car his breath was ragged and he was about ready to collapse. He bent down, taking hold of Aarons arm, he placed his feet on the floor and lent him up against the car. With one arm holding Aaron upright he opened the passenger door just enough so he could kick it the rest of the way open. He manhandled Aaron into the seat, all the while repeating his name. He hadn’t regained consciousness yet and Robert knew that he had to get him some help and fast. He leaned over him to buckle his belt, and on the way back up he caught Aarons face in his hands, his fingers splaying out into his hair. The touch only lasted a second but felt Aaron react under it. He whimpered in pain, surely that was good sign. Robert hurried around and slid into the driver’s seat. If Aaron was regaining consciousness he needed medical attention. He put his foot down and raced towards the hospital, he had no idea how long it would take to get there.

Every few minutes he looked over at Aaron to check he was still breathing. He cursed when he had to stop to let a tractor pull out. As soon as he could he over took it, thinking to himself that if he didn’t slow down they would both end up in the hospital. Aaron was drifting in and out of consciousness and each time he woke he became very restless. Robert noticed his breathing change, and knew he needed to calm him down before he caused himself to pass out again.

“Aaron, Aaron stay with me okay.”

With one hand on the steering wheel he reached over and grabbed the water bottle off the floor, all the while trying to concentrate on keeping Aaron awake.

“Aaron, Aaron.”

“Umm,” Aaron mumbled. Relief washed over Robert as he heard Aarons voice.

“Here,” Robert offered him a bottle of water,

“Drink,” he demanded.

He still had to drive so all he could do was hold the bottle out for Aaron, who batted it away, spilling the water all over himself. His action caused Robert to swerve the car and he slumped forward, smashing his head into the dashboard.

“AARON!” Robert screamed bringing the car to an abrupt halt.

Aaron fell back into the seat and started to shake. Robert leaned across and took his head in his hands, trying to calm him down. Aarons whole body was moving uncontrollably, all Robert could do was hold his head to make sure he didn’t hurt himself. Roberts breathing became very rapid, his worry taking hold of him and not letting go. He tried to calm himself down as well as Aaron by repeating his name over and over again.

“Aaron, Aaron, Aaron.”

After the convulsions had stopped, Robert felt like he could breathe again, but he knew he had to get him to the hospital, now. He leaned Aarons head against the passenger window and drove as fast as he could. He didn’t care about speed limits or fines, he just needed to get him to a doctor.

When he saw the hospital up ahead Robert was overwhelmed with relief. He screeched the car to a stop outside and heaved Aaron out of the car, he wasn’t making it easy, even in his semi-conscious state he was still trying to fight off Robert. Robert managed to stagger into the hospital, practically dragging Aaron in behind him. As soon as they were through the doors he began to scream for help,

“Help, I need some help here.”

“What happened?” a nurse asked, rushing over to help.

“He hit his head, he’s been out all night, I think he had a seizure.” Robert rambled.

“Sir, Sir, can you hear me.” the nurse asked Aaron.

“Aaron, his name is Aaron.” “Aaron, can you hear me?” the nurse asked again.

“Robert.” Aaron mumbled.

“Aaron, I’m here.”

“Sir, you need to let us take care of him.”

“I need to be with him.”

“No.” Aaron groaned.

They rushed him off leaving Robert stood staring into the space Aaron had just occupied. He didn’t know if Aarons words were meant for him or if he was just confused. Why would he say no? No to what? Was he rejecting Robert? That’s what he deserved after the events of the last 24 hours. But Aaron was confused, disorientated. He wouldn’t let that be the last thing he said to him.

Robert paced the hospital corridor for what seemed like hours. He asked every single person that walked by if they was any news.

When they finally let him in to see him he let out a sob. Aaron was hooked up to machines, bleeping, an oxygen mask was covering his nose and mouth, he looked so fragile Robert began to cry. He’d done this to him. He’d broken the one person that loved him, that he loved back. How was he ever going to forgive him? He sat by Aaron bed for hours, the guilt he was feeling increasing with each passing minute. How could he have been so stupid? Why hadn’t he gotten help sooner? He looked up at the him, he looked so peaceful like that, he was actually a little envious, he wished he could shut his brain off for few minutes. The only thing that seem to ease the tension was knowing that Aaron was being taken care of.

Exhaustion had just started to take its hold on Robert when he heard Aaron groan. He started to pull the mask off his face so Robert reached out to stop him.

“Hey, hey, leave it, yeah?”

Aaron just stared at him, Robert could see the hate in his eyes.

“Stop, stop looking at me like that.”

Aaron continued to look up at him, his eyes glazed with anger.

“Please Aaron let me explain.”

He couldn’t hear his response because of the oxygen mask, so he stood and helped take it off Aarons face. Once it was off he couldn’t resist leaning forward and pressing his lips to Aarons forehead, he just wanted to show him that he still cared, he didn’t miss it when Aaron flinched away from his touch. What had he expected?

“Out,” Aaron groaned.

“What?”

“Get out.” Aaron said, he voice a weak.

“Aaron, please.”

“No.”

There was that word again. What did it mean?

“No? No what.” Robert questioned, not ready to leave.

Aaron coughed.

“No, I don’t want your excuses, just leave.”

“I’m not leaving, not like this.”

“I don’t want you.” Aaron told Robert, his voice a little stronger.

“You, you don’t mean that.” Robert said quietly.

“I do.”

Aaron took a deep breath and Robert knew that what Aarons said next could change everything. How was he supposed to make him understand how scared he was? Scared about how much Aaron meant to him, how much he knew, scared about being rejected, about losing everything, about losing him.

“It didn’t work,” Aaron started.

“What, what didn’t work?” Robert said, confusion in his voice.

“I’m not scared of you.”

“You don’t have to be”

“You left me,” Aaron stated, the hurt clear in his voice.

“I…. I….. I didn’t know what else to do,” Robert tried to explain.

“What so you just left me there, alone, all night?”

“I’m sorry Aaron,” Robert offered.

“No.” Aaron whispered.

There it was again, that word, he’d heard it so many times today from Aaron, he didn’t know what it meant anymore.

“No Robert, you’re not sorry.”

“Aaron please.”

“No, not his time, no more excuses, just get out.”

“Fine.” Robert said, finally defeated,

“But first, I want you to know it’s you, you’re the worst mistake I ever made. But I wouldn’t change it, not for a second. I meant it, I love you.”

Robert looked at Aarons face, his eyes screwed shut like he was in pain, like Roberts words had caused him physical pain, but he had to say it, had to let him know that he loved him, after everything he’d done, he needed Aaron to know why.

“No.” Aaron said again, this time his voice was stronger.

“Yes Aaron, I love you.”

“No!” Aaron cried.

Roberts heart broke hearing that word again. Perhaps he should leave, he wasn’t ready to give up the fight but he knew Aaron needed time to heal both mentally and physically. Losing Aaron wasn’t an option, he couldn’t imagine his life without him, and when he did it was a life that wasn’t worth living, so for now, he’d take the no’s and he’d live with them, because having Aaron say no, was having Aaron alive and in his life and right now that’s all that mattered. So he would leave, for now.

He looked at Aaron for a long time, before leaning in close, he hated seeing Aaron flinch away from him, it brought tears to his eyes.

“Yes,” he whispered to him before turning to walk out the door.

With tears rolling down his face he looked over his shoulder, at the man he loved, because he didn’t know when he would see him again, and he said the only thing he could.

“I will always love you.”


	2. Aarons POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU where Robert left an injured Aaron alone at the lodge, only to return the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter is from Aarons POV
> 
> Please feel free to leave any prompts, Im always looking for new ideas.
> 
> For My Livesy!

His head was pounding as he came to; he opened his eyes but struggled to focus them. His mouth felt odd, like he couldn’t breathe properly, like something was in the way. Terror washed over him. He’d been gagged. When he tried to move his hand up to feel how bad his injures were he couldn't. There was something stopping him. It took a moment for him to realise the reason. He couldn’t move his hand because he had been restrained. As the fog cleared from his eyes he could see his phone on the floor, the screen smashed, like someone has stamped on it. Shit. Robert knew. Fuck. That's why he's tied up. Robert knew what he had been up to. Trying to get him to confess and he had done. He'd murdered Katie, although he wouldn't use that word, he knew the truth now. He looked down at his feet which were also bound with what looked like a dressing gown tie. For a brief moment he was actually impressed that Robert has managed to be so resourceful in restraining him. As his gaze moved over the room he noticed Robert sat in the corner, staring at him. His head flooded with too many emotions. Anger, Robert had let him blame himself for Katie's death, the guilt had nearly killed him, terror again, he was bound and had no idea what Robert planned to do, gratitude that Robert had stayed, obviously to make sure he regained consciousness. Whatever gratitude he'd felt in that moment dissipated when Robert placed all the blame on all, telling him it was all his fault. The only thing that he was to blame for was falling in love with Robert. And he knew he'd regret that for the rest of his life. He couldn't help feel panicked at Roberts parting words,

"Whatever happens next is all your fault."

And with that he was gone, switching the light out as he left leaving him alone in the dark. Nausea hits him in waves and his head is pounding, he can feel the blood getting sticky on the side of his face. He's not quite sure how he got the wound. He couldn't quite believe it! He kept repeating ‘he left me, he actually left me here, alone,’ over and over again in his head. He loves me, he's supposed to love me. And he still left me. I know he's scared, that I scared him but this? I don't deserve this, he cries. He remembers screaming at Robert, calling him a murderer for what he did to Katie, he remembers being angry and lunging at Robert. He fell back onto the sofa, Robert was kicking him off and then nothing. He closed his eyes, fighting off the nausea and trying to remember through the pain, how he’d ended up there. Robert must have hit him. That's how he got the cut. He can’t blame him, he would have done the same if the roles were reserved, he knows how scary he can be when he's angry.

He knew one thing for certain, he would not just sit there waiting for his return. He had to escape somehow, conceal himself until he was well enough to leave of his own accord. He began manipulating the rope around his wrists. It was pretty tight at first but Robert wasn't a professional thank God and after a few minutes of flexing his hands and arching his back he began to feel the rope loosen. He had to take a break; the constant movement had drained his all energy. He felt weak, like he was gonna pass out but he wouldn't, couldn't give up. No one knew where he was apart from Robert and what if he never came back? Would he just leave him? He thought he knew Robert but after today’s confession he wasn’t sure if he ever knew him. The wound on his head began to bleed again, he must have knocked it when he was trying to free himself, he could feel the hot wet blood running down his face, he started to get light headed and knew that now was the time. He pulled against the rope with all the energy he had left in him, and just when his muscle were about to give up on him he felt one hand slip through. With one hand free he could remove the gag and take his first unobstructed lung full of air. The oxygen went straight to his head and he started to feel dizzy. But he couldn't give in to it, not now, not when he was nearly free. He fought through the nausea and the pain to bring his feet up and as he fumbled with the restrain around his ankle he had to take several deep breathes to stop him from retching. When he was finally free he slumped back against the radiator hot tears of anger filling his eyes. Why would Robert do this to him?

With his blood rhythmically throbbing in his temple he wasn’t thinking clearly. His tongue was sticking to roof of his mouth, water, he needed water. Too drained to stand he crawled his way into the kitchen, not realising the gash on his head was leaving a trail of blood drops behind him. Once he'd reached the kitchen he tried to haul himself up to the sink but he his fingers couldn't grab on to the counter hard enough. Each time he tried he ended up slipping back down onto the floor. After a few attempts the coolness of the tile floor won out and he gave up. He rested his head and let the cold of the tile wash over him. The escape had cost him dearly, he was so tired, and the need to close his eyes became so strong, he couldn't fight it anymore. He let the impending darkness take over and with fear gripping his heart he closed his eyes not sure if he'd ever open them again.

.....

He’s not sure how long he’s been out but he thinks he can hear someone scream his name, He was jolted back to consciousness when he felt the cold liquid hit his lips. He spluttered and coughed around the water and looked up to see who was rescuing him. As he eyes began to focus panic took hold of him as he realised it was Robert. This was it he thought, he'd come back to finish him off. He lashed out as hard as his aching body let him. He didn’t know what Robert would do with him but he didn’t want to find out. He felt Roberts arms leave him, trying to get away from Aarons kicks and the disappointment he felt from losing his embrace scared him as much as Robert did. He heard him tell him to calm down and that he was there to help, that was rich, when he wouldn’t be in this situation if it wasn’t for him.

“Help?” he managed to choke around his thick tongue.

Aaron didn’t want to feel those arms on him again, so he carried on kicking, he kicked so hard that the world turned black.

.....

All he could feel was the pain, he wasn’t even sure what was hurting, he just knew it did. He felt the caress across his forehead and whimpered.

.....

Consciousness was coming to him in waves, one minute he knew where he was but the next was just black. He knew he was in the car, he could feel the movement of it in the pit of his stomach, making him want to gag. He felt the car jerk and he turned to look at his driver. Robert. He was driving like a maniac, the panic on his face made Aaron want to laugh. How could he be worried about him now after what he'd done? It didn't make sense. Nothing Robert has done lately made sense.

The darkness was pulling him in again and all he wanted to do was close his eyes and sleep, but each time he did his breath would hitch in his chest and he was jerked awake again. He heard him call out his name but when he tried to respond he couldn't make his lips move, his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth again. All he managed was a "Umm" noise but he must have done something right as he felt Robert physically relax next to him. His head was thumping, and he couldn't think straight so when Robert handed him a bottle of water and demanded he drink, all he wanted to do was down the liquid but his hands couldn't grasp the bottle, he ended up knocking it clean out of Roberts hand. He felt the car jerk violently and his whole body was propelled forward, his head smacking into the dashboard. His vision blurred as Roberts braking flung him back into the seat. He felt a chill travel up his spine before his whole body began to shake. He was so scared, he'd lost control of everything, like his brain had stopped talking to his body. An image of Jackson, laid out on his bed flashed through his head, this must be how he felt all the time. He wanted to scream, not like this, not like this, he couldn't end up like Jackson, not after seeing what it did to him, how much he hated it. The shaking began to slow and when it eventually stopped he wanted to cry he was so relieved, he tried to move his head but realised that Robert was holding on to his face, he attempted to look at him but he even the thought of moving made his eyes water in pain. His head felt heavy and as he closed his eyes he felt himself move slightly under Roberts touch. He sighed as his hot head touched the cool window. He felt the car move again but he didn't care, the blackness was back and this time he closed his eyes and he let it wash over him.

The next thing he knew he was being pulled out of the car by Robert, he tried to tell Robert to stop, to leave him alone but his mouth wouldn't form the words. He felt Robert pull his arm up over his shoulder, and slide his other arm around his waist. He knew he was being dragged but couldn’t do anything to stop it. He heard his name but couldn't focus on where it was coming from, he was in so much pain he just wanted to lie down and sleep, why wasn't anyone letting him sleep. It was the smell that brought him round a little, he was in a hospital, they all smelt the same. He hated hospitals and started to panic, reaching out for the only thing he knew, groaning his name.

“Robert.”

He felt Roberts reassurance that he was there but he also heard the need in Roberts voice, and managed to mumble the word,

“No.”

Not sure if he was saying it to himself or to Robert, he was so confused. He didn’t want Roberts sympathy, he just wanted to close his eyes. He felt himself being lifted and laid out on a bed, another flash of Jackson passed across his vision before the darkness came again.

.....

The bleeping sound finally dragged him back to reality. He didn’t have to open his eyes to know he was still there, he could feel him, feel the electricity between them that was still there even after everything he had done. He wanted to tell him to get out, that he didn’t need him, didn’t want him, not now, maybe not ever but the he couldn’t find the words, instead he groaned and tried to pull the mask off his face.

“Hey, hey, leave it, yeah?”

Why was he here, after everything? Just the thought of having to deal with him made his head pound. He opened his eyes and glared at him with as much anger as he could muster.

“Stop, stop looking at me like that.”

Like what he thought, like he didn’t know who Robert was anymore, like he’s a murderer, because in Aarons mind that’s exactly what he was, he’d tried to kill Paddy for god sake. As these thoughts rolled around in his head his eyes never left Roberts.

“Please Aaron let me explain.”

“Get out,” Aaron said, inside the oxygen mask.

Robert didn’t seem to hear him and as he leaned forward to help take the mask off Aaron could feel his skin crawl. He could feel Robert warm breath on his skin, could tell he’d been crying by the redness around his eyes, his heart began to swell before his brain kicked in. He didn’t want him here. Didn’t want the way his body reacted to him, the way his breath hitched by sight of him, knowing that he’d been there the whole time he was out. No, it didn’t want that, not now, it was all just too raw.

After removing the mask Robert stayed close and kissed his forehead, Aaron flinched away from the touch, cursing his body for not being able to move further away from him. As Robert pulled away he saw the hurt in his eyes, what had he expected? For Aaron just to forgive him?

“Out,” he groaned.

“What?” Robert asked, clearly taken aback by Aarons request.

“Get out,” he said again, his voice still a little weak.

“Aaron, please.” Robert begged.

“No.”

He’d said that word a few times today but it had seemed to have lost all meaning. To him it meant no more, no more secrets, no more lies, no more excuses. He was done with it all. Did that mean he was done with Robert? He wasn’t sure. He needed time, to think, to heal, and he couldn’t do that with those big blue eyes on him.

“No? No what.” Robert questioned clearly upset at his words.

Aaron coughed, clearing his throat so Robert might finally listen to him,

“No, I don’t want your excuses, just leave.”

“I’m not leaving, not like this.”

“I don’t want you.” he said out loud, to himself mainly, but directed the words at Robert.

“You, you don’t mean that.” Robert said quietly.

“I do,” he lied.

If he was honest he didn’t know what he wanted anymore. He thought he loved Robert, that Robert loved him, but how can you love someone you hate? He took a depth breath, preparing himself for what he had to say. He didn’t want him to go, but he didn’t want him to stay either. Once again he thought about Jackson and wondered if he had to go through this when he decided he wanted to die. It must have been the hardest decision he’d ever had to make and Aaron had hated him for it, for leaving him, but sometimes, leaving was what needed to be done, he understood that now.

“It didn’t work,” he told Robert.

“What, what didn’t work?” Robert asked confusion clear in his voice.

“I’m not scared of you.”

“You don’t have to be”

“You left me,” Aaron stated, the hurt clear in his voice.

“I…. I….. I didn’t know what else to do,” Robert tried to explain.

“What so you just left me there, alone, all night?”

“I’m sorry Aaron,” Robert offered.

“No.” Aaron whispered.

The apologies meant nothing to him now, he’d heard them so many times before and nothing changed. He just wanted him to leave and if lying to himself, to Robert meant he would leave than that’s what he had to do.

“No Robert, you’re not sorry.”

“Aaron please.”

“No, not his time, no more excuses, just get out.”

“Fine,” Robert said, finally defeated,

“But first, I want you to know it’s you, you’re the worst mistake I ever made. But I wouldn’t change it, not for a second. I meant it, I love you.”

The words hit him like a punch to the stomach. He screwed his eyes shut, hoping to block them out. But he couldn’t, he’d heard them, heard him like the first time he’d said those words. He wanted to deny it, for him to take it back. You didn’t tie up someone you loved, leave them scared and alone. He didn’t love him, he couldn’t.

“No.” Aaron said again, denying Roberts words.

“Yes Aaron, I love you.”

“No!” Aaron cried.

He shut his eyes again, to shut him out. When he opened them he looked at Robert who just stood there staring at him, a defeated, yet determined look on his face. Like he’d lost the battle but was still fighting a war. Was Aaron the war? He hoped not, he wasn’t sure he had enough fight left in him to go to war with Robert because he knew in the end he would give in.

Robert leaned in and panic flooded Aarons nervous system. He knew that if he kissed him than the war was already lost. He flinched away from him, moving back into the pillow as far as he could. All Robert did was whisper a final declaration before heading for the door. When he turned back, any fight left in him disappeared, because looking back at him was the face of the man he fell in love with, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“I will always love you,” he choked out before he was gone.

Those words broke him. It was like he was saying goodbye. Aarons eyes filled with tears as he fought the war inside his own head. How was it possible to love someone and hate them all at the same time?

As he watched Robert walk away, not knowing when he would see him again, he allowed himself to say the words, the ones he’d been holding back, ever since he’d first told him he loved him. Robert hadn’t been ready then, and although he was ready now, Aaron wasn’t, but if he said them out loud, even to himself, he would have to deal with them, and him. Because he knew, no matter how many times he denied it, that a part of his heart would always belong to Robert Sugden.

“I love you too.”


End file.
